


What Goes Unseen Beneath the Outward Calm

by Cookies_and_Chaos



Category: Malory Towers - Enid Blyton
Genre: Gen, Injury Recovery, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28430865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookies_and_Chaos/pseuds/Cookies_and_Chaos
Summary: Amanda couldn't admit to anyone that there's a deep-seated unease whenever she looks out at the sea. Written for the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge 2020, Day 5, "Five Flowing Waters".
Comments: 6
Collections: 12 Days of Christmas Challenge 2020





	What Goes Unseen Beneath the Outward Calm

Some of the girls had seen it, of that Amanda was absolutely convinced.

June Johns absolutely had because that girl seemed to know everyone's business, whether she had good reason to or not. Amanda swore June might see right into the depths of someone's soul if she decided it was a place worthy of her looking. Amanda had seen the flicker of something in June's eye when she caught Amanda staring out at the sea and the most self-loathing part of her was convinced that the flicker was pity. A fall from grace was challenging enough without being pitied.

Felicity Rivers saw it once too. Amanda had thought she was alone, stood looking out at the churned up waves crashing against the shoreline, dragging back sand with each surge of water. She had stood there, focused on the sound, waiting until her heart stopped beating so loudly she could hear it inside her head. When the pounding of her heart finally settled, she closed her eyes and imagined diving back into the sea. She imagined that day with the water pulling her down, the desperate fight against the inevitable fall to the depths of the ocean, and all at once it was like she was drowning.

Amanda had opened her eyes and gasped for breath, even though there was nothing to stop her breathing in the first place. That was when she had spotted Felicity and Susan Blake returning from their afternoon walk, and Felicity's inquisitive eyes had explored her face, no doubt taking in the fluster and panic as Amanda gathered herself. All Amanda could be grateful for was that there was no pity there, only the briefest moment of understanding and then Felicity offered her a small smile and a wave, carefully done so as not to draw Susan's attention to Amanda as well.

Amanda remembered Alicia telling her about what happened to Mary-Lou and Daphne in the second form and how she had looked so bewildered when Amanda asked however they had come to terms with what had happened to them. It seemed sometimes that no matter what terrible thing came to pass, they were all just expected to dust themselves off and carry on without a single complaint or utterance of how the whole ordeal might have left deep scars that went unseen. As someone who had once subscribed to the ridiculous idea of the British stiff upper lift, Amanda was beginning to understand just how awful an attitude it was.

And yet, even knowing that and knowing how harmful it was, Amanda couldn't help but smooth over her face and rid herself of any sign of emotion when she so much as suspected that someone might see the hurt she was trying to bury herself. For all the realisation that it wasn't the healthiest way to be, Amanda wasn't sure what else she should do.


End file.
